Is it Time to Make a New List?

If your the kind of person who would spend more time looking for your list than accepting that you should just create a new list, you may be a perfectionist. 

Are you a perfectionist? The Frost Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale (FMPS) was developed as a survey for measuring perfectionism.

Clinical perfectionism commonly correlates with the following psychiatric diagnoses:

• Social anxiety disorder
• Generalized anxiety disorder 
• Obsessive Compulsive disorders including hoarding disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, trichotillomania (hair pulling), excoriation disorder
• Eating Disorders like anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge-eating disorder
• Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder  

Common Perfectionistic Behaviors

• Procrastinating
• Checking and re-checking
• Looking for Reassurance 
• Overcompensation
• Correcting and re-correcting
• Rigid oganizng and list making
• Difficulty making decisions
• Giving up 
• Maladaptive persistence
• Failure to delegate
• Hoarding
• Attempts to change others

Notice that most of these behaviors take time away from nurturing worthwhile relationships.

Perfectionism can be a challenging mindset to deal with, but with some understanding and strategies, it's possible to manage it in a healthy way. Here are some tips that may help if your struggling with perfectionism:

1. Focus on impact of your perfectionism instead of immediately trying to stop the behavior. For instance, do you procrastinate because you're afraid of failing? Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) is known as the "third wave" of cognitive-behavioral therapy. ACT asks you to look at the things you value in your life instead of telling you to just "stop doing that" symptom. By focusing on what you think is important for life, you have a direction, a purpose that goes beyond seeing yourself as flawed and symptomatic. ACT works to build skills NOT stop feelings. So while you might feel like a failure if you make a mistake, you still make the effort to speak up in class because you value the free exchange of ideas.  To repeat, the feeling doesn't have to change in order for you to engage in personally meaningful behavior. We call that psychological flexibility and it's critical to change.  
   
2. Set realistic goals. Instead of setting goals that are impossible to achieve, set goals that are challenging but attainable. This can help you feel a sense of accomplishment without feeling overwhelmed or discouraged.
   
3. Practice self-compassion. Perfectionists can be hard on themselves, but it's important to practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend who is struggling.
   
4. Focus on the process, not just the outcome. Perfectionists often focus solely on the outcome and overlook the process. By focusing on the process, you can appreciate the journey and learn from any mistakes or setbacks along the way.
   
5. Challenge negative thoughts. Perfectionists often have negative thoughts about themselves and their abilities. Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are really true and whether there is evidence to support them.
   
6. Seek support. Talking to a therapist or support group can be helpful for managing perfectionism. They can provide guidance and support as you work through the challenges associated with perfectionism.

Remember, perfectionism is a mindset that can be managed with time and effort. Being kind to yourself, is a way to start the journey.